I missed the New Moon. I missed the Full Moon. To make it more clear how out of touch I have been, I didn't even know I missed these events until the Buddhist told me so. Oops! My bad.
I'm preoccupied with a truth...
I am running out of time.
Not death...No, not that final.
But I am talking about aging, or more to the point, a very specific female type of aging. I'm referring to menopause.
My body seems to be on one mission right now and it has taken me by surprise. I am consumed by a need to have one great last fling, an overtly sexual flirtation, a clandestine encounter of naughtiness. I love my partner, the Buddhist. He is a good, solid partner providing what I need in all forays. And he pleases.
But my body has some other idea. The clock is ticking to some end, and my body is craving validation of its virility. It whispers "Last Call" and like a late night drinker, I desire an elixir to stave the crave.
I sense that the me that I have known is quieting ever so slightly daily. Do I hold out hope of resisting? Do I pretend that I will not change? As we are mostly chemicals, and mine are definitely shifting, I can't see that change won't occur. So, my body also screams "HURRY" in the growing quiet and while I am loyal and true; I'm also antsy. Fidgety.
My internal odometer is about to shift out of the warranty period and I finally understand what moves a fifty year old man to discard their wife and take up with a young filly. It is what I seek too-
Youth.
And since I can't have it, I'll accept a costume to hide my truth. Blonde highlights, a little lipstick, a touch of foundation, a smile, a flirt...
But nothing will stop this body from the warranty end.
1 comment:
Good to see you're back in the writing business. Your moon writings of both the new and full, served as bookends to segment the month, to keep us aware of the passage of time. Sounds like your body and mind are working as cohorts to keep you aware of the passage of time. It is interesting how our minds desire to stay young, along with the the fixings of being so. It is a fools mission so why not embrace the change if it's not possibly to be avoided? I know why. Because we love the sensory party that ensues and while we should accept change as reality, we don't need to make everyone leave the party early. Party, anyone?
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