Rosewater Tea

The tea bowl steamed before me and warmed my core; Kali had poured the boiling water from her kettle into the small prepared bowl of rose petals and leaves and twigs.  I held it with both palms and let the smell and heat penetrate me. I lifted it gently and took a sip.  Something compelled me to keep sipping, gulping actually, and then it was empty.  I looked to Kali to refill it, but she was blatantly ignoring me.  Such is the love of Kali. More like a busy mother than Goddess...Kali is both terrifying and nurturing.  She gives a healing without hesitation, but then she is done with you and it is best if you move on.  
Go play outside, she seems to imply.

I have experienced Kali as both a quiet beauty in white gown and as the dark creature her appearance is mostly associated with.  Skulls as a belt, bones for a corset; yes, she references death most assuredly, but her weaponry also cuts through false consciousness and our binds that enslave our hearts. 

When I am fortunate enough to encounter Kali in shamanic work or in my dream realm, I am needy and childlike in her presence.  She has always offered me a healing of some form; most recently in a shamanic journey, she cut my body to pieces and threw it all on a smoldering fire.  It sounds kind of harsh, but in shamanic principles it is referred to as decomposition and reformation. It is a spiritual rite of passage that works to reconfigure our soul...to better re-position it to find its true path.

So, what is a true path? 


Wait...were you thinking I had the answer? Were you waiting for me to answer. Ha Ha. That's funny. No. I have no idea...that answer eludes me...

But that's not fair, you assert!  After all, I am the blogger lady...shouldn't I know the answers to the questions I pose?  WTH, you read my blog and all...shouldn't you get free knowledge?

No, true knowledge is never free. It comes with responsibility. It demands patience. It requires discipline. And the answer for me is not the answer for you.  The true path is an individual journey, the quest to find our soul's unique purpose in this life.  

And so, I drink rosewater tea in my conscious life hoping that the heady perfume elixir will open my eyes and unlock my ears. I sip and ponder. I don't know the answer, but I will keep striving until I do.

And with any luck, Kali will grace me with her presence once again...

Racing Toward Oblivion

"This now is it. This. Your deepest need and desire is satisfied by the moment's energy here in your hand."  Rumi

I often live ahead of the present.  I think that once X or Y is completed, fixed or otherwise behind me on the life trajectory, I will be happier, wiser, better, and finally ready to undertake the great things that I think my soul might be capable of.

Of course, this is folly.  There is always something ahead on the calendar that gives me pause and there always will be.  Whether it be landscaping projects, money matters, love quarrels or colonoscopies; I will never cease to have struggles.  That is life.  Struggles are how we learn and grow.  And really, I am so grateful that my list contains such minor things.

Part of my moon meditation for this new moon (the Flower Moon) will be to be present. First, for a moment, then for an hour, hopefully building into being present for a good chunk of each day.  After all, the moment is all I am promised.  To be so confident as to ignore all this time passing me while I wait for some idyllic future is just blind.  I have been assured of no time then now.  I have been assured of no better moment.

So, I shall breathe tonight under the dark black of the new moon, feel my lungs expand and focus on the beautiful gift I have been granted: LIFE.