the unoccupied mind

People always say that they wish they had some time to themselves with no obligations. As a person in that situation for the next few weeks, let me advise that it is more confusing than freeing.  I am unsure how to use my time, so I sit and ponder. How do I best use it?  Do I go for a walk when it is cooler or warmer?  Do I draw now that the light is good?  But hey, I realize that I need moisturizer...Do I go into town and buy that small list of items?  Do I indulge myself with a nap? or do I feel that is contrary to progress?  I have to do laundry...I have to make food.  I do neither.  I wonder why I am hungry. Idiot.  I draw for five hours, not moving, not drinking the much needed water for higher elevations. I finally move to use the bathroom. My hips hurt my the hard bench.  I finally notice it is 2:44 pm and I haven't showered or been outside.  i open the door. It is beautiful out and I reach for my sweatshirt. Wait.  You didn't eat. or do the laundry. Or shower.  Sigh.

I make myself go upstairs where the stunning views and the bedroom is.  I never cease to pause and stare.  I finally conclude that showering is the foremost activity.  I finish and the questions begin again. Take a walk? Go to town?  Arrrrrggggghhhh! 

Finally, I eat a bowl of cereal and throw on my jacket. I grab the rental car keys, the house keys and my purse. I wander aimlessly the aisles of the Safeway wondering why it is laid out so backwards and why are two aisles wine and alcohol?  No wonder the Asian section is one shelf space approximately three feet wide....gotta make room for tequila. I finally find moisturizer and pick the one that says 'intensive skin repair'.  I have to say that the elevation is causing havoc with my fine skin.  My hands hurt from how dry they are and my lips...oh god...let's not even discuss them.  Thankfully, my husband is not here to see the shreds of flesh that I pass for lips.

Now, driving back, I wonder how I spent an hour in the food store. Sigh. But once back, I dress quickly in hiking garb and trek up...pausing endlessly to catch my breath. Again, the elevation beats me back.  I do not quit, though, and soon i have a spectacular view of the red rocks.  I take a deep breath and another and wonder what I was fussing about. This is heaven.  My personal heaven.

so, another day and it is 1pm and I am still in jammies...