Wax on, oh beautiful moon

I am a moon enthusiast. Yes. To put it mildly, I enjoy following the silvery shine of Luna as she moves across the night sky on her journey to circle the earth.  I like the pace of her movements each month.  She gives some time, but not too much, to meter our life.  Looking to verify progress on a life mission?  Her full moment, relatively twelve times a year, is the perfect event to recollect and rectify.  She gives light to the dark confusion of our lives, shining without fail approximately every 28 days.

Perhaps you need a more aggressive time table for your endeavors?  Follow her dark moments as well; her "newness" an equal opportunity to examine our hearts, our priorities.  She gives this woman pause at each phase; pondering whether her personal progress has measured up to her hopes.  Like I said, I am a moon enthusiast.

I had believed the moon to be waning (heading to the dark of the new moon). I decided I should find the new moon date so as to mark it, employ it as a time to regroup. Imagine my surprise this morning when I discovered the moon is waxing (heading towards full). I missed the new moon by a full five days.

I shook my head at my loss of time.  Clearly, I am very engaged in 'something' to have missed the moment.  I wonder what this 'something' is. I feel kind of lost of late.  I have been struggling with living alone in a rented house after over a quarter of a century living with my spouse.  We aren't separating...the time was planned in one of my half baked notions of 'personal growth'.  I felt that being alone might give me freedom to explore my art completely; immersing myself in productivity. I felt that living alone might make me stronger. My husband is a thoughtful, protective man.  I have been wondering if his good intentions kept me in a state of perpetual childhood.  Might I grow up? Take full responsibility for my well being?

As I typed that last sentence, I realize the folly of it.  I am in this rented house because of his unassuming care and income.  So much for total independence! But truthfully, I don't want to be truly alone. No.  This time here has made me appreciate the joy of a union.  To be bound to someone through the energetic connection of love is a profound blessing.  We truly are better together than apart. Our sum exceeds the two of us. So, gratitude emerges as well.  Because I am only playing at being alone...

I made a note of the full moon, arriving on the 26th.  I shall use that moment to profess my gratitude for my joys as I customarily do; but I shall also see what being alone has shown me.  Am I stronger?  Has my art flourished?  Has my own natural rhythm of living emerged?  I suspect my spouse will be contemplating his own changes as he gazes at the same moon, hundreds of miles apart.

One thing I am certain of...individual positive change can only make our union stronger.