The Sturgeon Moon is very pregnant as I type this. Technically, that makes it waxing gibbous for those of us impressed by scientific knowledge. This moon is always problematic for me as the Algonquin tribe name does not resonate. Sturgeon are large whiskered fish that Whole Foods does not sell; nor are they cooked in lovely dishes on Top Chef. In short, I have probably never eaten a sturgeon in my life, but maybe my Buddhist has. He did fish a bit in his youth, mainly in the muddy waters of the Raritan or Millstone Rivers; but occasionally in Lake Champlain in Vermont. He may have caught one once. Maybe.
But eating sturgeon isn't on my mind; swimming with them is. I have flirted with the notion that I might eventually find my school, so to speak. I seek to swim among like people, who live in a similar way, holding similar beliefs. I even dare to think that there might be friendship. Yet, it alludes me and my forays on the internet in search of it only produced the sense that I do not belong. Isolation at the touch of a mouse. Drowning in plain sight.
Sites like Facebook, Society6 and Deviantart function much like high school; there are popular people who enjoy the attention and then there are the rest of us whose purpose seems to be to keep the popular people 'popular'. After all, you can't be popular without a throng of groupies, can you? I have realized that I am krill in a larger food chain and I am tired of only being fuel. I could conclude that I am not talented, interesting, or otherwise shiny, but that isn't truth. I see teems of talented krill swimming aimlessly over themselves and each other trying to find their place. "I am one of you", I scream. But the words get muted in the murky waters and so instead, I stumble around, clicking 'Promoted' or "Like". And none of it gets any more real.
So, I'm done with the internet socializing for a bit. I'll stay here, writing out my heart's song, hoping that something resonates with someone someday...
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